Reverse Discrimination: Plight of the Pretty

It's hard to feel sorry for someone because they were born with stunning good looks. Sure, you can draw some arguments... but whatevvvvvvver ...come ON. :P

Anyway, I've realized that sometimes those who are very beautiful get pre-judged in certain ways and don't deserve it. Perhaps women do this more to men than vice versa, but it seems that many times, before even speaking to a very good-looking male, a woman will label him as..."he's probably a jerk," or "I bet he talks to 10 girls at once," or "even if I went for him, his eyes will wander and he'll be gone. Stupid jerk!" or "She thinks she's so pretty, she's probably a bitch." We've all silently, or not so silently, thought this at one time or another (even those who are very good-looking themselves.)

But through the years, I have found that Jerkism transcends all colors, body shapes, sizes, religions, intelligence levels, and overall purty-ness. I'm not solely talking about guy-girl "relationship" stuff...but just jerkness as a whole. I have encountered plain-to-bad looking men that have been rude and full of themselves. Some really think they are Adonis... um... in the form...of, well...NOT Adonis.

On the other hand, there are true Adonises who are kind, secure, and faithful. There's some women who look amazing that I sometimes think might be mean or annoying. But they end up being wayy kind and fun. Meanwhile, the girl that's not as much of a looker turns out to be kind of psycho and super critical.

In my experience, for some reason, those that are more attractive seem to more freely and happily compliment others' appearances; but those that are less attractive whisper about the flaws of this girl or that dude...and they either rarely compliment or are often clearly faking it.

So why is this even relevant? I think that if we can't judge a book by it's cover...we really can't. Just because the cover is bright and cool doesn't mean the pages are filled with dumbass stuff. And just because it's tattered and somewhat worn doesn't mean there's quality writing inside either. And of course the opposite is true as well. There are beautiful yet modest people all around...as there are unattractive yet self-absorbed individuals as well. I guess it's all in how we see ourselves, rather than what really is there.


We've gotta turn a few more pages, get more information.
The pages are all there, we just have to get more information to make a better assessment.

xoxo
nadia


About the Photos:
Top: Jeff Buckley
Middle: Duhh! (She's sooo cute there)
Bottom: I had to include Tom Welling. (Really cute but dorky nice-guy...can't get much better! awww)

Can Art Kill?

While millions anxiously awaited the results of toxicology reports regarding the death of Heath Ledger, twisters reeked hell through the southeast, people were being blown up in Mogadishu, and babies were being thrown out of windows of burning buildings. Indeed, it seems silly that one of the top stories for the past 2 weeks has been the death of just one handsome, well-off artist in the wake of worldwide turmoil. But it begs the questions of why we become magnetized to such stories. I would not just write it off as the habit of a shallow, celebrity gossip-obsessed culture; I think there is something more. Something that is forgiveable. When we see someone who embodies “living the dream,” and then a seemingly drastic, disturbing turn cuts it short, we wonder whether the wishes we have been making have been falling into the right wells or not too. We see parts of ourselves in these celebrities, who become people after they have had something happen to them that could foreseeably happen to any of us, or those close to us.

I remember the first time I saw a performance by Heath – he played a disturbed son in Monster’s Ball. I didn't like the film much, but really, it was his performance that stood out even though his role was minor. I remember thinking to myself that I could never watch it again because of the sheer intensity that he projected from his time and space, through the camera, and into the mind and heart of the viewer. There was an honesty and a vulnerability that was nearly too difficult to watch. The rare and unabashed display of raw emotion can cut right through the paper armor we often wear.

He was an incredible artist. Although I never had a personal encounter with him, his gentleness and naivety were so apparent, seeming almost out of place in a world that mostly views the arts as fun and trivial – not infused with meaning and energy as it does for many artists. For the artist, regardless of the craft, there is a constant pull to create, to produce, to reach inside and then extend what he finds outwardly. The preoccupation is to translate the language of the heart and soul through some form of physical media. Ledger was that kind of artist. Method acting is a scary place to venture, because getting lost in one’s art is a high possibility. A constant battle for an artist can involve deciding how much to let the artistic energy control, and how much to control IT. Some may feel that it is ok to die for one’s art - an ideal I would never advocate. I have utmost respect for those who dedicate themselves to creating art that is truthful and helpful either to themselves or to others. But I think that once it becomes more of selfish endeavor for self-gratification, it can have a detrimental impact on others. In other words, artists like Heath Ledger risk dying for their craft at the expense of others that they owe a responsibility to. Was his role as Joker, however amazing as it likely will be, worth putting himself into such a fragile state that his daughter will cry over the memories of a personal hero she hardly got to know? I really don’t think so. Did he owe it to himself and his forever-shattered parents to take care of his anxiety and sleeplessness even if that meant taking a hiatus? I really do not think maintaining a “Joker Diary” and drowning oneself in his art is heroic. I just think it’s sad.

Sad because it’s understandable. He, like many other dedicated creatives, handed the reigns to the high-speed, runway artist in an effort to realize his full creative potential. The problem is that we live in a world of consequences where logic must be inserted and limits must be set at the proper moments in order to survive. The world is not all clouds and imaginary characters where emotions are king and creative expression of it is queen. Oh, I do wish it was. But it involves moderation, and without moderation in any endeavor, unintended destruction is often the final destination.

Something universally beautiful is truth; when we see it manifest itself through someone who is genuine, it captures and inspires us. That was something else that an artist like Heath Ledger offered to many. Perhaps he was suffering a great deal from anxiety and chronic pain among other things. If you have seen anyone going through that, you know that it can lead to irrational and reckless behavior – like concocting a lethal drug cocktail. Maybe it was something else altogether. Whatever the case, there still must have been a better alternative, even if it was more difficult to undertake. Taking a faster, more dangerous route to relief is simply not a risk worth taking in the end.

Love art, but please, don’t becomes its slave.

A Room Full Lawyers or Doctors?

Note: This post totally attempts to stereotype for effect. If I put "many, but not all" disclaimers after every other sentence, it would get pretty boring pretty fast.

A few weeks ago I attended a cocktail party & dinner with my dad, one where the the invitees were almost exclusively doctors who were affiliated with an area hospital. Wives and kiddos were invited too. I didn't really want to go, but since my mom could not, I wanted to accompany dad...and I thought it wouldn't hurt to have a nice dinner in a cute lil' country club, right?

Well, the food turned out to be pretty gross, because it was the typical bland and boring, super-conservative dinner food for meetings. I don't know why I thought it might be good this time. So I just kept refilling on the Pepsi. Two wives of a couple docs I sat close to were rather fun to speak with; one spoke with me about her daughter who has no idea what she's doing in life, and another kept cracking jokes about finding the right man. And that was as good as it got.

It was interesting to be surrounded by a sea of doctors for the first time after becoming a "professional/grown up" myself, and it made me think about a number of things.

...What I've Becommmme, Erase Myself
I suppose if they had problems in the future they would come to Lone Lawyer Island in the room: me. I was predictably introduced to most as a potential "medmal defense attorney", to which they instantly brightened up.
I am no longer smiley Indian girl.
I am possible future need at a potenitally discounted price.
Especially to the Indians and Pakis in the room.
It's all good though.

This Ain't a Song For the Broken Hearted
Physicians, I think, are nice guys and gals most of the time- until you catch them in their go-go-go competitive mode or try to prove 'em wrong in some way.
But it's not like attorneys are any different. Turned out that I was not the only one in the room - there were a couple attorneys there that worked with the hospital. One was a very prominent Richmond attorney that I'd been wanting to meet for a number of months. So I got my chance, and I must admit, I was a bit nervous. He was what I expected: ultra-confident, suave, handsome, articulate, kind, and had great social skills. I spoke with him about medmal and he gave me pretty good advice. I was shocked though by his disdain at the "ceiling" that medmal lawyers face. Let's put it this way: his idea of chump change is 120/hour. That does not make one a bad person at all, but it is amazing how a certain amount of money can become not enough pretty quickly to some people.
*cartoon from www.mattpercival.com/ :)
By the end of the night, I came up with a few conclusions about who I'd rather be stuck with on that metaphorical island:
-If you feel sick or hurt, docs are definitely the crowd to seek. A lawyer might make you feel sicker by analyzing your problem in a mechanical fashion, no feelings attached.
-If you are bored as hell, a roomful of lawyers should cure your symptoms. Many will start talking...and never, ever stop. Even if you give them a totally obvious "I'm not paying attention to you anymore" look - it encourages them not to stop...no...but to move on to a more adventurous topic in an attempt to impress. It's all about winning, fool.
-On the other hand, if you want to zone out and not pay attention to anyone around you, or even write a chapter of your great american novel for a couple hours, have dinner with the docs. Once the topic gets to something health/medical-related, hospital-related, or insurance-related, it will go on for two hours. You do not exist anymore. Accept it and let go.

-If you need to check out some hot business threads, attorneys have it down pretty well, especially the young and rich ones. Docs had to wear scrubs for so many years, and then moved onto the fully-covering white coats so they never really needed to care about clothes. You know that we all secretly envy them for that.
-If you want to have a more chill evening overall, hang with the doctaz. They are down with goofy jokes and are o.k. with overall nonsensicalness at the end of a long night.
-If you want to feel like a smartass, or not smart at all, get with the lawyaz. They want to top top top things as much as possible...a joke isn't just a joke. "One must formulate joke with the perfect choice of words and timing in order to elicit desired response from audience."
-If you desire to feel stressed, surround yourself with either or both extremely competitive doctors and lawyers. Just pick a topic you know they will disagree about - from politics to religion- to cartoon history to fim reviews, and your brains will be picked at by them until you are an empty shell and it's time to go home. They may even call you later to continue the argument for fun. Bonus.

You're Still the One I Run Tooooo
We all enjoy making fun of attorneys and physicians (even if we are one ourselves, or due to a series of unfortunate events, both!) but the truth is, the earthly entities that you eventually run to when in wordly trouble are these very beings. Many say they hate them. I hate it when one is clearly incompetent AND greedy. But I do admire the skilled ones for their hard work and intellect...I just have difficulty accepting the big fat egos that some develop after they have gotten to a certain point in their education or after accumulating a certain amount of benjis and/or benzis. Tons of other people could have been in their position, but may not have been destined with the luck and luxury of having the right set of circumstances to follow a similar path.

Who Really Wins?
Our cultures, especially Asian and Muslim culture, bestow 5 star value on doctors and lawyers (either that or they just HATE laywers, period. No in between!) I admire them for their dedication and expertise...and years of surviving a hellish schooling experience. But when it comes down to it, those that I admire the most are people who work to pay for their education, and still manage to smile. Entrepreneureal spirits who are brave enough to take a risk and have faith that something good just might happen. Artists in all fields and inventors who survive almost exclusively on talent, and not on the crutch of a degree. The guy who seems like some average kid, with a cheerful, positive and humble disposition and aims to make people feel good - even though he graduated from an Ivy grad school towards the top of his class, and is about to rake in 700K/year. The girl who empties big execs' trash cans but makes every last penny for her family's well being, and is ok with that.

It's definitely time for some of us to reassess who our true heroes should be.

xxoxoo

Coming Soon...

Would you rather be stuck in a room full of lawyers or doctors?
(I know, neither)

Faith and the City* (Mozlem Love)

Sabr, Fasting, Life

*props to hina for title genesis.

It's All Justin's Fault

No it really isn't, but I wish the root of Britney's problems could be reduced to that-for the sake of simplicity. So I'm not exactly a fan, but there have been worse music criminals before her, and will be many more after her. I don't read much about Brit except for what is shoved in my face when I open up the front page of many, varied internet news sources or as I'm waiting in line at Ukrop's or CVS...and so ok, I encounter her almost every day. So I can't help but think about ol' Brit sometimes. The news seems to be getting worse and worse :( It seems like it all began once her relationship with homeboy Justin started to spiral down, down, downward. How did she go from cute, bubbly girl-next-door to potentially losing custody of her children and having her bodyguard accuse her of using drugs, etc.etc.etc.etccccccc?

Life can snowball out of control sometimes...and then the avalanche comes if we don't pay attention. Her career was all about selling an image. It is about genius marketing, not music, in my opinion. She was the brand that a large portion of the population were drawn to, whether they hated or loved her. They bought her...just by paying so much attention. They are still buying her, watching the self-destruction in horror and awe.

So would things have been better if she turned around and saw the ice slowly but steadily crumbing? If she was content with her wealth and gave up the potential for more fame and fortune and attention...would things be better for her right now? Is it impossible to walk away from the magnetic draw of that kind of a lifestyle? I'm not sure, because I've never been close :) If I were to say, "She's stupid, why doesn't she just change!!?" that would be a shallow judgment on my part unless I could put myself in the shoes of a celeb of such stature. But what I do believe is that it takes tremendous strength to kick the habit of taking that drug, go through the withdrawl, and maintain hope that the doors to happiness in life are many. It just takes a leap of faith to open a new one sometimes.
Nope, most of the time.

Or maybe we should just blame stupid Justin!

Kidding.

xoxo

Oh and I know there's someone out there who probably thinks the drug metaphor is indicative of my past drug experimentation. Don't get excited; I have never done it before, even though I've resided in Richmond for so long and have been friends with various artsy up in the clouders. My drugs of choice are good food and music, preferably together.

On the First Pillar

Great quote from Samina Abdullah, Richmond, VA :
La ilaha illallah is a very powerful formula. It gives you individual empowerment, individual responsibility and individual accountability.
The Almighty saw fit to spend 13 years on getting those early gents to master it. It was by way of “formatting the hard drive”. Shed all the puppet strings of culture, family, DNA, fear, wealth and ego etc that control us all.
Stand free stand tall and stand true to your primal nature.
We (humans) are Allah’s noblest creation, His masterpiece! He calls us His Khalifa.
Once we reconnect with our primal nature, we are ready for great things and there’s no stopping us from being all that we can be.
If the Laws of Islam are from the same source as the laws that control the Universe, then it is the most natural thing for us to obey those laws. All the dos and don’ts should feel right, should feel satisfactory in the deepest recesses of our being.
But the condition is that I will seek them out and I will impose them upon myself.
Living life under imposition, is living life without integrity.

Is it 7:16 yet?

I was speaking with someone during a recent iftaar and he kept complaining about how pissed off he was that the Ramadan days were so long, lol. He wasn't just hungry...he was straight up angry. Obviously, I understood his hunger and whatnot, but I brought up how he now knows how the hungry population feels...except that they may break their fast with half a dorito and be quite thankful. (Not: fruit chaat, pakoras, mango shake, samosas, and dates galore of course. And then get all angry about it.) Pretty simple, commonly heard, non-rocket sciency stuff right? Well, he responded with "Is that why we fast?" And he wasn't 5...or 15...or 28...he was older.

And he was serious.

That brought to my attention that more adults than I wish probably fast thinking that God just wants them to starve for Him. You know, just because. No further reflection.

I think it gets scary when religious practices (especially the basic ones) just become automatic, robotic motions and we fail to wonder what the reasoning or beneficial effects are. Or to consider those effects while we are engaging in the actions. We're all guilty of it sometimes.

Of course there's multiple reasons for fasting-physical, mental, and spiritual. And there's the interaction of physical-mental-spiritual effects of fasting too. This year, there's one area in particular I've been focusing on: sabr (patience.) I'm too tired right now to finish this post so you're gonna have to wait until tomorrow to read it. (haha, get it get it) winkwink :P
But anyway, just wanted to post some thoughts on fasting and sabr a lil later. salamssss.

xoxo